five year anniversary

Of sorts.

How things have changed and how they haven't. Who I used to write about to when I do get to write now. The other writers I followed and have disappeared since. I must admit, I don't know how long I'll keep this going myself, and there have been months when I didn't post at all.

Depends on what is going on in my life, I suppose. From desk job to desk job to self-employed to desk job again. Traveling here and there, friends and family, meeting my partner to getting married.

The world continues to spin. The politics continue to annoy. The stress continues to build. The fear continues to thrive.

How far off course I've gotten, I don't know. Not until I start to look for that path again will I ever be sure. It's been a long stumbling trail, following the sunshine but twisting my knee. It's not my path I'm on.

I can't find the quiet anymore. I seem to have forgotten how. To sit in my own silence and let the words pour forth and draw the designs in my dreams. Where did that go? Why am I so scared of that now?

I am afraid of the quiet. I used to not be. I used to face those fears and write them down and tell those stories. Now I turn on the music, turn up the tv, stare at the computer for endless hours in an attempt to fill that which I know I'm missing and cannot find.

Where did I lay those dreams down? Where did I last pause to reflect on my life? Where was that turnoff from the path? Perhaps everything I'm missing, everything I can't find, will still be there waiting for me when I return. Oh, please, please, let me return. Please, let me find my way back through this false forest that hides the sun and let me find my true path again.